Upstanding Citizen

I would venture to say that I have a group of guy friends that serve one purpose. We go out get drunk and chase split tail. We don't do Bunko, book club or dinner. We meet at a bar and we go from there. My best split tail chasing buddy called me the other morning at 5:15. He knew I would be up since I don't sleep much. I will give you a replay of the conversation.

Me: Hello?
Buddy: Emerson, you have got to come get me.
Me: Are you in trouble?
Buddy: I am in big trouble come get me now!!
Me: Which police station are you being held in?
Buddy: I'm not in jail, I need you to Mapquest this address
Me: Oh shit, okay fire away
Buddy: Gives me a location that is a long way from my house and in what I would term as a less than desirable socio-economic place.
Me: What the fuck are you doing way up there?
Buddy: I just banged this Asian chick and I need to get the hell out of here.
Me: Was it any good? (always the first question a guy asks another guy)
Buddy: She got pissed when I asked if her hotter roommate could join in.
Me: You such a gentleman, well it is going to take me about 30 minutes to get there
Buddy: HURRY, I took a huge dump in her toilet the fucker overflowed and I ran out of the house!!!

I have really good friends. He isn't allowed to take a shit at my house anymore.

My boss is a total C*&# bitch

I hate bosses that are bitches. This includes my first boss after college who was a guy but a total pole sucker that lived his life in total denial. I mean really what guy goes to Atlanta shopping with his male friend. Shopping for Anal-ez and some gag-balls.
But, specifically I don't like anyone with a vagina telling me what to do (Except in bed). Equality in the workplace is a load of horseshit. Women in authority positions are drunk with power and feel they have to have the biggest dick in the room.
Seriously, I think my boss loves to bend me over and fist my ass just because she can. Last week she asked "Do I have an issue communicating?", no you have issues making any fucking sense and your stupid. I am still calculating how many dicks she must of sucked to have gotten where she is today. The list is quite long
If I have to hear her say one more time, "At my old company (fill in the blank)", I am seriously going to drop kick her huge round ass right out the front door. If this piece of shit economy was any better I wouldn't wait till I got to my office to give her the bird.
Don't worry my boss will be a frequent topic of conversation. I hate the bitch.

My Cherry has been popped

Okay, well here is my first posting to my first blog. It will probably only go downhill from here.

This is my feeble attempt to capture some of the humor that I freely give away to people that typically don't give a shit or really don't want to hear it. I consider my humor to be biting and overall offensive to people that exist in the middle of the road. But, since my real name isn't attached I can say whatever the fuck I want and they can kiss my ass.

Like the first time I had sex, it feels pretty good but I don't have a clue as to what the fuck I am doing.